Yesterday I attended a lecture by the mother-daughter authors Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor with Diane. The best selling author of "Secret Life of Bees" (love this book and movie) co-wrote this book at the request of her daughter and it is largely based on their travels together over the last ten years. More specifically though, it covers the dynamic of mother-daughter relationships, how they re-created a dialogue that was based on respect for each other as creative, smart adults rather than the often patronizing dialogue at work in parent-child relationships. They were open,honest,refreshing and absolutely delightful in their presentation. I could have soaked it in all day and the 90 minutes just evaporated!
Diane and I talked afterward about how easy it was for both of us to transition to communicating with our daughters as adults and friends. However, unfortunately for Emily, I may have come late to the table in that regard. I can recall much more exactly the time, day and place that it became clear to me that my dialogue with my sons was no longer based upon parental authoritative (my time for control was over!) hierarchy but rather mutual mature respect and friendship. There is a day where it is simply no longer appropriate (or loving) to offer unsolicited "advice" because commenting upon the fabric and make-up on one another's lives is inherently disrespectful. (Can I still remind them to send thank-you's and remember their hostess gifts?)
In our daughters, we are more likely to see the best and worst of ourselves and it takes attention and effort to remove that from below the surface so that the relationship becomes unfettered from our "stuff".
I loved the lecture and found myself reflecting throughout the day that I just absolutely adore my adult children.
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